You have found the perfect website if you are looking for the adventure of a lifetime and have a substantial trust fund to afford it. I am an accomplished golfer who can improve your game so you won't embarrass me when we get to Costa Del Sol in Spain. You can lounge in beautiful Buckeye, Arizona while we get your golf game up to acceptable levels. You will be picked up each morning for approximately 16 hours of practice in all phases of your game. I will give you expert instruction for one-half hour each morning and then you are on your own. We will move on when you handicap reaches the single digit level.
Our next Arizona stop is the legendary town of Tombstone, Arizona , "The town too tough to die". We have arranged for you to participate in the actual "Shootout at the OK Coral". You will be given a period dress and will be placed between the Earp brothers and the Clanton Gang so you will get a close view of the actual shooting. Because the town has had some controversy over water rights lately and some of the local participates have been known to load live ammo, we will provide you with a bulletproof vest at no additional fee. Since there is a slight chance you may catch a round in some extremity not covered by the vest, we will have an ambulance standing by to rush you to the hospital in nearby Sierra Vista, Arizona. Should the exposed extremity be your forehead, we have reserved a space next to one of the most famous tombstones in Boothill.
The inscription says:
As you pass by
remember that as
you are so once was I
and as I am you
soon will be
Again there is no additional fee unless you wish to be laid to rest with the losing side of the gunfight at the OK corral. There is a big demand to share eternity with Billy Clanton and the McLaury brothers.
Now it is off to Yuma, Arizona where luxurious accommodations have been reserved for you at the Arizona Territorial prison. This famous resort was once considered the finest long-term resort accommodations available anywhere, along with Devil's Island and Alcatraz. From there you travel to old Mexico on a well-trained burro. You will cross the border on a lovely, moonless night to meet some of Mexico's finest citizens who will give you a gift of a full saddlebag to bring back with you. (Please do not ask about the contents, it may embarrass them). Should you be detained on the Mexican side of the border, I will personally visit you on the anniversary your incarceration for the rest of your life. Naturally, if you are detained on the American side, this special service can not be provided because the American border guards are more efficient at welcoming our clients back to the United States. I can not spend all of my time at the government resort in Kansas where you will be sent.
Our next destination is Los Vegas to do some serious gambling on the letter of credit drawn on your bank. After we "shop til we drop", it is on to Hawaii to beach it for a few weeks to get the appropriate tan for the big event in Spain. As a side note, you may enjoy our trip more if you bring your own maid; otherwise the burden of housework may cut into the time I have allotted for your evening activities. Evening activities include expensive Spanish dishes in the finest hotels that accept your credit cards, dancing on the yacht you lease for the duration of our Spanish holiday, gambling at Monte Carlo, and of course, appropriate activities of your choice after we return to our penthouse apartment you have leased on the Mediterranean shore.
If you desire an extended adventure, I also offer a two-week trip to Alaska. There you will climb Mt. Mc Kinley without rope or guide, shoot a Grizzly bear on Kodiak Island, catch some salmon in the Yukon River and dry them on a rack by the shore, chew on some caribou hides in Kotzebue and take a thousand mile sled dog trip that follows the trail of the Iditarod Sled Dog Race from Anchorage to Nome. Again, a personal maid is suggested as the sled dogs may be a little testy after pulling us on a sled all day with no food or water and may prove to be a challenge when you feed them. As an added bonus, we have arranged for a departure night "Paint the Town" tour of the many glamorous nightclubs located on Fourth Avenue in Anchorage, Alaska. This will give you the true flavor of what the gold miners did for recreation after church on Sunday. You will be provided with the same bulletproof vest you used for your Tombstone tour. And then it is back home to spread the word of your adventure among your friends and family.
Reservations are pouring in so don't delay making your decision. We can also accommodate wealthy, lonely men, but that is not my department.
(1) Ferrari California (Approximately $2,000,000)
(2) Cabin on Big Sur or any Hawaiian beach
(3) Blue Chip Stock in multiples of 1,000 shares
(4) Your daughter(s)
The Modern Wyatt Earp
Big Nose Kate's Saloon,
your home away from home.
Kate was Doc Holiday's
Big Nose Kate
Sex in the Desert
Tequila Sun Rise